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  • Writer's pictureJanene Brown

Affectionate Love

Brotherly Love

When we hear the word “Phileo Love,” we think of Philadelphia, which is called the city of brotherly love. When you look up the word “Phileo” in the Strongs Concordance, you find a definition that is similar but different. It means to love, to approve of, to like, sanction, to treat affectionally, kindly, to welcome, befriend. It also means to show signs of love, to kiss, and be fond of. When I think of my marriage, I think of my love, my life, and also my friend.

Signs Of Love

We all like to boast of romantic gestures, our beautiful wedding day, the love we have that lasts a lifetime, but to have all of this love, Agape, Eros, we also have to have Phileo. My husband is not just the love of my life, my partner in serving, and doing this life together, but also my best friend! I can’t just go through my day expecting for my marriage to work and be romantic, and faithful in godly ways, if I don’t show signs of Phileo Love. I need to be welcoming, friendly, kiss him, approve of him, be affectionate and kind.

Kindness Goes A Long Way

When I am kind to my spouse, I am saying I respect and honor them. I’ve seen so many who disrespect their spouse in front of them or others. A minister we recently heard said, if you criticize your spouse you are basically saying you aren’t very smart. You are saying you picked someone who isn’t worthy of value. Kindness goes a long way in loving our spouse. It builds them up when all the rest of the world may be tearing them down. Your words matter, and it will make not just a huge difference in your marriage but in their confidence to be a better man or woman!

Who Has Your Affections?

Who has your affections? It’s easy to love on a cute puppy, our friends, our children when they can be so sweet, others, but what about your spouse? When we are cramming in every activity, going from thing to thing, pouring ourselves out to work, etc., we can find ourselves short with those we claim to love the most. If we keep order in our home, we will put God first, husband, wife, then children, others, then we can see the blessing of affection in it’s proper place. If you aren’t giving affection to your spouse someone else will.

Intentional Words

I pray scriptures everyday before I read my word. Most of them have to do with my heart, repentance, and my tongue. Where do we do most of our loving and rejecting from? Our mouths. We speak either life or death, and we have power to build up or tear down. It all starts with our hearts, the condition of them and how we project what is there. So after prayer, fasting, reading and renewing our minds, we have to guard our words, our responses, and be intentional.

Kisses and Hugs

This may seem like a simple thought, but don’t forget to kiss and hug your spouse. If you have children of any age, they need to see a healthy relationship between you and your spouse. They live to love and want to see how it is played out, they learn by example. If all they see is two people living in the same home, working, cooking, and never see any affectionate love, kissing, gentleness, hugs, or kindness in your words, they can easily justify a relationship without marriage. Why would they commit to such stringent vows if it is just a physical/loveless marriage. My world has to be loving, kind, and easy to duplicate.

Not Just Friendship

Some people get the friendship part of marriage and miss the point of the agape love. They know how to be friends and have phileo love, and have the eros/romantic love, but they don’t understand the commitment of agape love. I have heard many say, “we got divorced, we were best friends and still are, we just can’t be married.” This is so sad, they never saw the importance of being more than just friends. You have to have all of these to have a good marriage! We must be committed to our spouse in all things, we have to teach our children how to work through problems and love in all situations.


Our prayer for you today is that you take your relationship with your spouse to a new level, to love them, kiss them daily, embrace daily, and talk kindly to one another each day, to give your affections to order that God has set up! You will see the best come out in each other as you are intentional about speaking with love, having kindness on your tongue, and building each other up with love and respect! Pray God helps you to treat each other with a Phileo kind of love!!


Monday: Matthew 25:35 says, “For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:” So I believe that in making your spouse feel welcome in the home where you both reside is compiled in this scripture to meet their needs.

Tuesday: Romans 12:10 says, “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;” This is for our marriage as well as the church, we need to show an honoring love to our spouse.

Wednesday: 1 Corinthians 4:5 says, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.” Kindness goes a long way to see love bloom in your marriage!

Thursday: Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” When you have the proper order, and put God first, you can give affection to your spouse and it be godly.

Friday: Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Pray to be intentional with your words with your spouse! We will eat the fruit of it!

Saturday: Song of Solomon 1:2 says, “ Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.” We need to show Phileo love with kissing and hugging to our spouse! It is so imporant!

Sunday: Matthew 19:6 says, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Pray you don’t allow anything to come between you and your spouse!


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Thank you for investing in your marriage and know you too can have a happily ever married!!

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