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Marble Surface
  • Writer's pictureJanene Brown

Bringing You To The Marriage

Finding Who You Are

I think there is a day in everyones life when we stop and think about who we are. It's a time of self reflection that helps us to better understand where we are, and where we are headed. As we are growing up from time to time we may or may not think about this, but most come to a place of wonder. Who am I? What can I be? What am I here for? In asking these questions we start the journey of self discovery. If you are a very reflective person, and want to do something meaningful, you will start finding personality tests. These are very helpful and not a one time thing!! Why? Because you are ever changing if you want to get better. Your marriage will change too as you grow or even if you don't.

Moments We Stop

When do we stop? There are moments we stop and look around and think about where we are headed. Those moments are different for everyone. Mine came at 26 when I was at rock bottom. I literally wasn't going to make it if I continued the way I was going. I had had a few moments before this monumental one. One of those moments was at the age of 18. I wanted to leave the drug seen and become a missonary. Sounds strange doesn't it? It's really not once you realize there is an enemy who wants to destroy your soul. The next event at that time in my life happened and it sent me packing, or should I say running. I was hurt, confused, and fearful, so to numb my pain I went on to college and lived the life of a party girl there. It wasn't what I wanted, but I couldn't feel the pain anymore, and I wanted to get as far away from the hurt as I could. What was the moment when you thought about where you were headed? How has not knowing who you are affected your life and marriage?


The next big moment of my life was almost dying at 26 years old, that was my rock bottom. I lived in CO and hadn't changed, I had gotten worse. You know the saying, "Wherever you go, there you are." I was trying, but kept falling back into the same temptations, and destructive behaviors. Why? I was still running! I then had several days and times of almost dying due to all of the drugs I was taking. I couldn't handle it. I finally cried out to the Lord and asked Him to make my life mean something, to help me, and to save me. I went back to Indiana, the place I had been running from and had to stop and face myself. God had a plan bigger than me, and He saved my life, and I received freedom through Him! Nothing else had ever worked, but I still had to work on me. Where have you found freedom in your life?


This decision was a hard thing, I had to see not only that my life was a mess, but that I was the one who got myself into that mess. After starting to replace my bad habits, and lifestyle with good ones and surrounding myself with good people. I saw I could finally grow! I was attending church faithfully, I was on fire for God, and put myself completely into Jesus' capable hands. Then the work began. I had to listen, be teachable, grow, read, go to trainings, conferences, and learn. I had to take responsibility for my life, my actions, and for my failures. I also had to learn to forgive, love, move past hurts, and enjoy life without the aid of things to make me numb. This meant I had to feel the hurt. God was preparing me for my marriage, even though I didn't know it. We need to know ourselves and work on us before we can truly love another person and learn to become one with them.


I had to let the Lord work on me, to heal me, and to make me whole. This is really hard for a lot of people with some sort of trauma in their lives because they don't want to visit that pain. Its' not easy and it takes time, it is a real process. But, it is so worth it when you can talk about it and not feel angry, hurt, or fearful anymore. Some of you reading this may not have had some major trauma, but you have had something that has hurt you deeply that you haven't healed over yet. It's holding you back in life and in your marriage. My friend, you can get the healing you need so you can live life with abundance. This doesn't mean we don't continue to move past those hurts in marriage, it just helps to better equip us.


Living a marriage and life of abundance comes from not only knowing who you are and what makes you tick, but also knowing who your spouse is and why they are who they are. Once you move past the place of lack, hopelessness, hurt, and unforgiveness, you can move into a place of abundance. Marriage is giving 100% to your spouse, someone other than yourself, and learning to work together to have a life that is full and blessed. You can't do that if you don't know who you are, haven't healed, and are just reacting to the given situation. Some people live out of lack. They are constantly living in fear, not enough, and pain. Abundance is faith, hope, and peace!!

Finding It

How do you find this great life, marriage, and abundance? You don't find it, you create it, cultivate it, and give it. Where do you start? You start with Jesus, repentance, healing, loving, and growing. You move on to how we were made! If you read the scriptures you will find there His plan for us and our marriages. Prayer cultivates it, removes offenses, and heals. Then lastly, you give it away. There is always more where it came from because Jesus is that abundant life we have truly been searching for, and He is there to help you every step of the way. Look to Him in your storm and He will lift you up!!! His love is so great for us and for our marriages!


Monday: Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Even when I was deep in my sin, and didn't know who I was, God had me on His mind and had a plan for my life.

Tuesday: Psalm 139:8 says, " If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there." I was in a place where I didn't know who I was, but God was there, and He was merciful to save me!

Wednesday: 1 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." I had become a new creature and God helped me to become new!

Thursday: 1 Timothy 1:15 says, "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief." Knowing you need Jesus is the first step to knowing your starting place.

Friday: Jeremiah 17:14 says, "Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou [art] my praise." Oh what a blessing we find in His word, and His healing!! He's right there waiting for you!!

Saturday: Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." If you seek Him and His kingdom you can truly live in abundance in your life and marriage!

Sunday: Psalm 119:105 says, " Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." All the answers you need about you and your spouse can be found in the Bible, the Word of God!


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