In the last several weeks we have been discussing Expectations and if they are Good, Bad, Ugly, Met or Unmet. Now we will be talking about Communicating Effectively in My Marriage. If we want to ever see those expectations met, we have to learn to Communicate Effectively! We have already discussed this a little bit, but we will now go more in depth.
Communicating Effectively
1. How to communicate with words?
2. If we communicate with words?
3. What does our body language and tone say?
4. How to argue effectively to produce productivity in our marriage.
Week 1
This week we will be talking about 1. How to communicate with words?
Communicating Effectivley
We have to use our words!! We tell our toddlers, and even teenages this all the time.. use your words. If we never were made to talk to adults or even in todays society, we text or facebook, etc. we are shortchanging ourselves and our relationships suffer.
We Needed to Learn
We used a lot of words in my home as my mom was a teacher, that did not mean I learned how to communicate effectively. My husband grew up in a home where they were more laid back and didn’t use as many words. This does not mean he was a great communicator either, or knew how to communicate effectively. We both have had to learn to communicate effectively with each other. We also, had to learn each others communication style, so we could hear and receive from one another. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
(affiliate link) really helped us in this area. If you click on the affiliate link above, to order this book, I will get a commission at no extra cost to you.
Not A Real Marriage
But again, couples who never discuss hard things, argue, or deal with issues, are really just roommates. They do NOT have a real marriage. The goal is to become one, and that takes two completely different and opposite sex people to come together, with all their ideas, upbringing, philosophies, doctrine, heart and soul. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” This is why we should be equally yoked, 2 Corinthians 6:14 describes this. This means that what we believe at the core of our moral values and doctrine of the bible should be the same. If it’s not.. Don’t give up hope. God can do anything!! We do have to find some common ground to start. We can go from there and deal with other issues.
Where They Come From
To communicate, we must learn where the other comes from, their hurts, hang-ups, culture, and heart. We then learn to communicate through love, patience, the right perception, and truly listening to the other person.
Communicating Effectively in Love
Proverbs 16:1 says “The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the Lord.” Oh that my words to my husband, family, and loved ones, is from the Lord. Can I sound like tinkling cymbal? 1 Corinthians 13:1 says, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not charity, (love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” Lord let me speak with love, kindness on my tongue, a sweet and quiet spirit, and compassion. We can sound so harsh to those closest to us…
Prayer:
Lord, let us repent right now for our words, that displease you, let us speak like you speak!! When the God of the universe speaks to our hearts, it in a still, small voice, a loving voice, even in rebuke and correction, He is gentle. How much easier it is to hear when someone speaks to us in love.. How much more do you think your spouse would hear your heart, your expectations, your annoyances, if it was covered in love.
Communicating not just talking
Are we just saying words that come out of our mouth? Whatever comes to mind? Are we thinking before we speak? Is there bitterness in our spirit? Do our words come from hurts and disappointments?
Hope For Tommorow
James 3:1-18 speaks of bitter and sweet coming from the same fountain, and so much more! This is a great day to look at what we are saying!!! We can start over today!! Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”
Communicate with thoughtfulness
Let us learn to speak with thoughtfulness, hope, wisdom, love, and understanding to help us in communicating effectively. If we can speak this way, and learn to listen the same way, we will grow in our communication and therefore grow in our marriage.
This weeks scriptures:
Monday: Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” This does not mean we will agree on everything, but can we become one if we learn to communicate effectively and learn from one another.
Tuesday: 2 Corinthians 6:14 Bearing in mind it is easier when you are equally yoked, but God is behind a marriage when we surrender to Him, even if we didn’t start in the church. Their is hope even after failings!!
Wednesday: Proverbs 16:1 says “The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the Lord.” Let this be our prayer today and every day!! Meditate on this!
Thursday: 1 Corinthians 13:1 says, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not charity, (love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” Lord help us to always communicate with love!!
Friday: James 3:1-18, read and meditate on this Chapter in James, let this be grafted into our hearts and minds.
Saturday: Lamentations 3:22-23 a bonus scripture for the weekend!! Just a reminder if you haven’t reached what you hoped this week with communciating, you failed, or you just forgot, this is Gods word saying we can try again! He extends His mercy!!! I’m so thankful for it!!!
Have a wonderful week!! If you haven’t read the blogs connected with this one you still can. Unmet Expectations in My Marriage,
Next week, we will continue navigating, communicating effectively in our marriage with
2. If we communicate with words?
Love you all!! Please email me if you have questions, or topics you want covered!
Janene@happilyevermarried.org and read more at Happily Ever Married