Barriers
When you look at a barrier in the natural it’s described as anything that obstructs progress or access. So when you look at your marriage and the communication that happens among you and your spouse, you also have to look at what happens when there are barriers to that communication. What barriers do you feel are in your marriage?
Non-Communication
Where there is no communication there is a major problem. Communication is key to any marriage! So when communication has stopped or was never there to begin with, you are looking at disaster. This can be remedied by learning to communicate with one another in healthy ways.
Not Talking
Some people have never learned how to communicate their true feelings, to talk things through, and to find solutions. In this case many shut down. They refuse to talk, they won’t engage in anything that feels or sounds like conflict. Conflict is not a bad thing, but to those who shut down it is. Why? Some do this out of fear. They fear the outcome, the results, the emotions that come with those feelings, and they fear not being in control. So they will do this out of stubbornness. They aren’t going to do anything they don’t want to, and no one is going to make them. Control is the issue.
Sarcasm
Sarcasm destroys a marriage. It is an intentional jab at the one you love to make a point. It may work for awhile, but eventually it turns into disdain and contempt. We have seen too many marriages end in divorce when sarcasm is the norm. It’s all jokes and jabs until someone decides they have had enough. You can’t constantly be poking fun at your spouse and build them up at the same time. When you are irritated and short with the one you say you love, sarcasm easily finds a place to grow. Be careful, it is not a good way to deal with how you feel.
Alleviate Stress
When you are under stress, whether outside or inside your marriage, stress can build up and cause you to act, or react in ways that are not conducive for your marriage. With the Coronavirus and home quarantine status right now we need to look at ways to alleviate stress. Sarcasm, non-communcation, and other barriers can stem from stress. When stress is high you may say and do things that hurt the one you married. Some things you can do to de-stress are: take a walk, exercise, read, play a game, talk to a trusted friend, laugh, and most importantly pray and read your word!
Dishonesty
When you are dishonest in your marriage, it causes communication to be null and void. Some may hide, or avoid conversation because of shame. Dishonesty causes barriers that can be fatal to our marriage if not rectified. The good news is that we can overcome these barriers with starting to communicate with our spouse. Depending on where you are in your marriage and how much damage has been done, you may need a third party, such as a Pastor to help start the process of healing.
The Word
The word is full of ways to help us to communicate with healthy boundaries instead of unhealthy barriers. Jesus is right beside you ready to help you to gain the strength to talk out what is going on in your heart and emotions. Some of this is from our past baggage, some is from our upbringing, and some is from our own will. There are many tests and helps out there in the christian world to help you learn more about personality types and trauma that may have happened to your spouse. A great resource is www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test, take the second one to learn more. But above all else, run to Jesus with your problems and insecurities! He can do more for you in a second than someone else can do in a lifetime.
Prayer
Our prayer for you this week is to turn to Jesus with all of your fears, thoughts, emotions, and hurts so you can get healing and learn to communicate in a healthy way with your spouse. It will take time, so don’t give up! Pray and read His word to help you! Get some third party help to walk you and your spouse through some uncharted territory! You never know what they may be suffering from that causes them to fear and control. Be kind, speak lovingly to your spouse, and walk in love!
Scripture
Monday: Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken [is like] apples of gold in pictures of silver.” When you are intentional with your words, communication can be without unhealthy barriers.
Tuesday: Psalm 141:3 says, “Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.” Those who don’t communicate may feel like they are being wise, and in some cases it is better to hold your tongue. But at some point you have to talk about issues in your marriage. Pray over and learn this scripture so when you do speak it is with wisdom and love.
Wednesday: Proverbs 26:18-19 NIV says, “Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, “I was only joking!” How powerful is this scripture!! Think of your spouse when you shoot arrows of death and say, “I was only joking.” Pray God helps you to get rid of sarcasm in your marriage.
Thursday: 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind;” When you alleviate stress you can do a much better job of suffering long and use kind words to the one you love!
Friday: Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” Find ways to laugh, and have fun during times that are trying to alleviate stress.
Saturday: Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” When you are careful with your words, and have a soft answer, dishonesty is less likely to come off your lips. Pray you help your spouse to feel safe to communicate open and honestly with you.
Sunday: Psalm 19:14 says, “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.” When you go first to Jesus, His word, and prayer, communication that is healthy will flow out of that intimate time with Jesus to your marriage.
Contact
Please feel free to contact us at janene@happilyevermarried.org and post and share our newest blog post at happilyevermarried.org Thank you for investing in your marriage and you too can have a happily ever married marriage!