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  • Writer's pictureJanene Brown

Expectations For Love

Valentines Day

So, when you read this, there is 2 weeks before Valentines Day! This is a HUGE reminder to remember your spouse. You have a week to plan, be thoughtful, and expect to give and receive. Some of you don't think it's a big deal, just another day. It is just another day, but just like birthdays, and anniversaries, you need to celebrate your love! What a great opportunity to spend time with the one whom your soul loveth! Expectations play a huge roll in what you will do.

Your Expectations

I don't know about you, but I love LOVE! I love every chance I get to love on my husband, family, and friends, even strangers! My husband says I remind him of Elf, and quotes, "wait I forgot to give you a hug!" You can laugh, I do! It's just my way to show that I care. I want others to feel loved, special, and cared for. Why? Because that is how I like to be treated. My expectations/desires are as follows: I need thoughtful, planned, gift giving, and lots of time and affection on special occasions. It doesn't have to be expensive, it just needs to be a day to say you mean the world to me.


If you were in our intimate space you would know we both love LOVE, and we work on loving each other daily. But I don't expect flowers weekly, candy, gifts, or anything that costs money on a regular basis. I do desire hugs, time together, and the like regularly. I love to get a thoughtful note, some flowers, or a surprise night out occasionally. So when a special holiday rolls around, my expectations are for something special from my sweet hubby.

Love Languages

My husband loves to have time together, hugs, thoughtful words, and a good meal. These are his expectations/desires. He and I are a lot alike! We love the same things, and love spending time together, even if that is just watching a movie. We are pretty low key. Over the years he learned what I liked, sometimes by trial and error, and vice versa. We had to learn each others love languages and do them. It helped us to know how the other needed to feel loved! We always recommend the book, "The Five Love Languages."

Not Wrong

You may say, "I shouldn't have to do all of that, they should just know that I love them." Or, I don't think it's that important. They shouldn't expect that from me, I feel that way of thinking is wrong." You have to realize you and your spouse are one but still two different people with two different personalities. It's not about what you think is right or wrong, it's about what makes them feel loved. When we first got married, I remember one year and my husband didn't have a plan, he just ran to the store and came back. He got me the roses, card, and candy, but it wasn't about that for me. It was about the thoughtfulness behind it. I felt let down, and like I wasn't important. He was still showing me love, and had I thought about the timing, he was working hard and it probably wasn't on his priority list. He loved me so much, but I had reasonable expectations, he just didn't know them yet.

Years Later

Years later, after we got to understand each other better, he realized that it wasn't about the gifts it was about the thoughtfulness of that moment and day. He took me to dinner that year, our favorite sushi place, and had bought a small box and inside was my favorite candies, and he had hand written little notes about what he thought about me. I'll never forget it!! I still have them in my dresser. He loved me and valued me, he just had to learn how I needed to hear it. I also learned what was important to him. He needed my words to be affirming, and time together. I learned that he needed me to say things with a better tone. To appreciate what he had done. I did, I just had to learn to say it better and with more thoughtfulness.

Prefering One Another

We both had to learn what the other needed to feel safe, loved, appreciated, and heard.

We had to learn to not think about what we felt was good enough, and think about what the other one felt was good for them. Prefering one another is a continual process. We need to continue to look for ways to love the other. Selflessness is key to loving your spouse. We see too many who think their way is best and they don't ever resolve hurt feelings, and possibly don't make it. Preferring one another comes from dying to self, spending time with Jesus, and taking action to show each other they are of the utmost importance! It's a daily action, and the more you do it, the better it gets! You can do it too!!


Monday: Song of Solomon 1:7 says, "Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?” It starts with a question. He is studying his love to be close to her, to know her, to know what he should do to please her.

Tuesday: 1 Corinthians 16:14 says, "Let all your things be done with charity." Charity means love. So when you are thinking of showing love, do it with love.

Wednesday: 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, "And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these [is] charity." Everyday love is how you want to live in your marriage. Faith and hope are needed but love is the greatest gift you can give.

Thursday: Colossians 3:4 says, "And above all these things [put on] charity, which is the bond of perfectness." Love is something you put on, it helps to glue your marriage together and for it to be perfect in Gods eyes. Figuring out what your spouse needs and doing it is love!

Friday: 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 says, " Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become [as] sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have [the gift of] prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed [the poor], and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing." You can do many things in your marriage but if it's not with love in mind, and their expectations/desires, you have to assess if it's out of love.

Saturday: 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, " Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;" When your spouse comes to you with their thoughts and feelings about how they need to be love, remember this scripture. When you follow it you will truly want to hear your spouse and help them to feel loved.

Sunday: Romans 12:10 says, "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;" Remember after you have spent time with the Master in prayer and the word to prefer your spouse, and make sure to love them with a kind and affectionate love.


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