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  • Writer's pictureJanene Brown

If It Doesn’t Work, Throw It Out

Throw It Out

Yes, you heard me right!! If it doesn’t work, throw it out!! No ladies, not your husband!

The Lord laid this on my heart as I prayed this weekend, and I wondered what He meant. But as I continued to seek Him He shared this with me: we hold on to many things in our marriage that do not work. We keep them in the vault of our hearts ready to use, anytime we get upset, or we want to defend our stance on an issue. But.. if it’s not working you can throw it out! You get to write the story you tell…

What’s Not Working

What’s not working in your marriage? It could be you’re holding on to bitterness, disappointment, shame, ridicule, betrayal, or unforgiveness. Or it could be, you are trying to make something happen that just doesn’t work. It might be an idea you have always had about how your marriage should look, maybe how you remembered your parents marriage. Maybe, its your own stubbornness of not doing something your husband needs from you? It could just be something you did in one season of your life that no longer fits. You have to look deep within, pray, and ask what do I need to change.

You Have The Power

Ladies, you have the power to hold on or let go, and throw out what doesn’t work. We hold a lot more power in our homes than we think. Why not let go of the thing that is hindering your marriage. It’s really simple. If You or I, want to see our lives blessed with a happilyevermarried, we need to act. We need to step up to the plate of life, and throw out what’s not working. We can forgive, if we choose to. We can change our perspective of the situation, we can take a fresh look, and we can repent of what we are doing to hold onto things that don’t work.

But What About Him

What about him? He is not the one reading this right now. You are my friend. I say this with love and compassion, we have to look in the mirror and embrace who we are at this moment. All our flaws, attitudes, the good, and the bad. Because the only person we can EVER change is us. With the help of the Lord, we can have a blessed marriage. He isn’t the problem. We are. We do have a choice. Of course if you are in a truly abusive relationship then you need to be safe. But any marriage can be saved if we will apply and speak the word of God, pray and fast. Then we need to take action.

What Does Taking Action Look Like

When my husband and I were first married, we were both stuck in ideas of how marriage should look. We were two different people trying to become one! We had lots of things come from the outside of our marriage that were hard to deal with, and we also had our own ways of doing things. But he wasn’t the problem, even though, at times I thought he was. I thought and prayed, “God why can’t he change.” And the Lord said, I needed to change, to give my all, because that’s what Jesus did. I decided to take the Love Dare challenge, I wanted him to do it, but I did it instead. I started working on me. I prayed and asked God to help me to understand where he was coming from, to stop and truly listen, and to do things differently.

This Can Be Hard

When you have been raised a certain way, and all you have known is that way, you can get stuck. It can be hard to see things differently, and do things differently. When you read, speak, and live the word of God, I promise, you will see real change in your marriage!! It can be hard at the start, but as you press, and keep trusting God, you will see it gets so much easier.

Practical Steps

1.Assess the situation you are facing, pray and ask the Lord to show you what you need to do differently.

2.Repent of wrong thinking, your actions, and how you perceive your marriage.

3.Ask the Lord to give you a fresh perspective, His eyes to see your spouse, and the wisdom to live it out.

4.Ask for forgiveness from your husband for actions, attitudes, and hurting them. Ask for specifics the Lord shows you.

5.Ask your husband to pray with you, and what does he need from you to make him feel safe and respected.

6.Listen, don’t interrupt, don’t argue, don’t come back with an answer. Let them know calmly that you will be working on these things.

7.Wait on the Lord. This can be hard, but wait on the Lord, as you work on these things. There will be at time you can honestly and lovingly share your heart of what will make you feel safe and loved.

8.Pray, pray, and pray! Fasting, prayer, and reading and speaking the word, will help you more than anything.

9.Don’t think about them as much, think about what you need to do differently and as you work on you and throw out what doesn’t work, you will see them change too!!!!

10.Pray specifically for your marriage each day, and ask the Lord to heal all past hurts, to renew, and to restore.


This is not always an easy process, ask some trusted, godly friends to pray with you, and be committed for the long haul. Sometimes it’s an easy fix. Sometimes it may take months, or years, but know if you continue to be committed and faithful, God will restore what was lost. Not everything can be fixed if both people don’t want it, but prayer can do more than we ever can. It can look hopeless, Jesus deals in hopeless situations. He makes all things new!! You will see when God restores, it’s not just to a level of good enough, it is above all we can ask or think! He doesn’t do anything halfway, He exceeds expectations!!


Monday: Ecclesiastes 3:6 says, “A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.” It’s ok to throw things out. We don’t have to keep something that is broken. Pray today God helps you to throw out anything that keeps you from having the marriage He wants you to have.

Tuesday: Hebrews 12:1 says, “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,” Pray over this scripture and let go of any weight, or sin so you can be blessed in your marriage.

Wednesday: Proverbs 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” We have power to build or to pull down our husbands and marriage, as you mediate on this scripture, pray the Lord helps you to build!

Thursday: Colossians 3:13 says, “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Forgiveness is key!! Pray today God helps you to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

Friday: Philippians 3:14 says, “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Take action and pray to press for your marriage.

Saturday: Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Pray today to be in order in your home so you can see all God has for you.

Sunday: Romans 12:12 says, “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;” Pray God helps you speak and live this scripture.


My prayer for you and your marriage today is peace, contentment, love, a renewed mind, and the ability and desire to throw out what isn’t working!! You are dedicated to a great marriage and I know you will see God move if you have faith, and work on yourself! In Jesus name I pray for the mind of Christ, and the word of God to permeate every home with love and peace! For angels to be round about your home, marriage, and family! For you to see miracles in your life and marriage and to have a happilyevermarried!


Thank you for loving your spouse and investing daily in your marriage!! To love and know God more, and to see the blessings that follow a life lived for the Lord!! Please feel free to contact us at or read and share more blog posts at Thank you!!!!

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