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Marble Surface
  • Writer's pictureJanene Brown

Updated: Carnality Kills A Marriage

Self Love

Self on a throne is a disaster in the making! When we are focused on our self, selfies, self-love, our wants, needs, desires, and just our way, we are going to fail in our marriage. The list goes on. Nothing good comes from loving your self. I hear, and read it all the time, “you need to have self-love, you need to focus on you.” Why is this prevalent in our society? We live in a self worshipping world, who’s main focus is to please oneself. It feeds the flesh, and people like to feel good. We all want to treat ourselves occasionally, and we need to make sure we are taking care of us, but this is where we see the difference.


The free dictionary states Selfless: an adj., Having, exhibiting, or motivated by no concern for oneself; UNSELFISH. Who wants to be selfish? But that is exactly what we become when we mainly focus on ourselves. Carnality Kills a Marriage every day of the week! Being selfless takes discipline, character, grace, mercy, compassion, loving others. We need to be selfless in our walk with God, and with our husbands too.


I am setting the stage for what our marriage should look like. We want our husbands to do things for us, to love us, to spend time with us, and all of these are good. When you look at marriage in terms of what is needed we see we need to focus on serving. Have you asked your husband today, “What can I do to help you?” Know that carnality kills a marriage. When we are so focused on self, and are carnal, we forget that God asks us to give up our lives in all we do, to serve another. When we are others focused, we are most blessed! When you are loving your husband, and children, don’t you thrive? It’s because being a servant isn’t a dirty word, it’s biblical.


Carnality kills a marriage! I want you to get this. We are so focused on OUR hurts, OUR desires, that we forget to become one with our spouse. We see it all the time, married individuals who focus on themselves, never experience oneness in the marriage. They look at their career, their wants, and their children. When did getting married become a place to just dwell together and live separate lives? Carnality is the flesh, or can be defined as: NOT spiritual; worldly. If you are carnal, you are Not Spiritual. Galatians 5:16 says, “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.”

Lust of the Eyes

A word of warning. Men aren’t the only ones who need to watch what they see, we as women need to as well. Watching what we put before our eyes: movies, tv, a man you might see out somewhere, or even at church, who you communicate with, someone at work, on social media. We have to protect what God has given us. You shouldn’t be connected with anyone that you have or had feelings for! It’s a trap of the enemy. It is not harmless. We must protect that which is precious…our marriage!


I know you all are reading this because you too desire to have a happilyevermarried marriage!! You can and that is great news! First, put Jesus in His proper place. First and foremost!! Put flesh and carnality on the altar. We have to bring it into subjection. Put it under the blood of Jesus! Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” We need to learn to walk after the Spirit!


Ladies, Carnality kills a marriage, and we can change this part. Our attitude sets the tone in our homes, we can make our home a safe haven or we can make it a place to avoid. Make it a home not just a house. Put your husband first this week, today, and always. Make him a priority, be a blessing to him, shower him with your affection, adore him, kiss him, hug him, let him know he is needed and appreciated. Its not about us, its’s about building a marriage that lasts and thrives!! Work at your marriage! Spending as much time building your marriage as you did planning for your wedding, and even more time than that! You are also teaching your sweet children what we want them to have in their marriage. You are building a firm foundation that lasts for generations to come.


Monday: 2 Timothy 3:1-5, focusing on verse 2 says, “For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy” Pray and meditate on this scripture.

Tuesday: Galatians 5:22 Pray to have the fruit of the spirit! Not the works of the flesh.

Wednesday: Matthew 16:24, “This said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” This is hard but so rewarding! Pray the Lord helps you to be a disciple and follow Him.

Thursday: Galatians 5:16 says, “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” Walk in the Spirit today, pray, fast, read the word, speak it and live!!

Friday: 1 John 2:16 says, For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.” Protect your marriage today! Make sure you have gotten rid of anything that could be a snare to your marriage.

Saturday:  Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” We who are in Jesus, and walk after the Spirit, don’t have to be condemned, convicted yes, but no condemnation. We have the ability to go boldly before Him and ask for forgiveness and be redeemed! Pray today for anything God is showing you, and start afresh!!


Today I pray for you sweet friends! That you would see the blessing you have in your marriage, and what it means to serve your husband, to cut carnality out of your life and marriage, to love and be blessed in the Spirit. We need God to be on the throne of our lives. YOU will see what happens when we put Him there. You will be amazed! Kill the carnality in your marriage, put down your phone, turn off the t.v., pick up your bible, pray, and build your marriage in the Spirit! Pray for your marriage, war for it, and as you do, you will see blessings abound!!


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Thank you for investing in your marriage and you can have a happily ever married marriage too!!

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