Updated: Unmet Expectations Part Two
The second set of unmet expectations is what we will call “bad unmet expectations.” This usually comes from a second, third, or more marriages, or coming from some sort of a broken home. Maybe you were in an abusive relationship and then came into the church, were saved and now married someone healthy. I know for me, my parents were divorced when I was 10 and that caused a deep pain in my heart. I lived my life in the world for my teen years and some of my adult years, and the baggage I had was caused by my life then. But when I became a new creation in Christ, I put away that victim mentality, and learned a new way to walk. Did it take time to overcome those years of hurt, pain, rejections, abuse, and woe is me attitude? Yes, it did. But I’m here to tell someone today, you can overcome!!
He Healed Me
You see, God’s love for me healed a lot of those abuses and poor decisions as well. He healed me, set me free from bondages, and made me whole. Was I at the altar every time it was open, every time the church doors were open, did I pray and fast consistently? The answer is a resounding Yes!! I’m telling you this not to pat myself on the back, but to say with being intentional, consistent, and allowing God to keep putting me on the potters wheel, to allow Him to break and remake me, I was made whole!! God gets all the glory from my testimony!! What a Great and Mighty God we serve!!! Jesus is the answer to all of these problems!!
Still In Our Flesh
But even in all this we can still put our perception of previous real relationships and hurts onto our new marriage. Yes they will hurt us, but we will hurt them too. It’s called our flesh. We will hurt the one we love. Some people say we never fight or argue. That my friends is not a marriage. You do become one, but you can’t do that if you aren’t ever dealing with issues. I talked about a married woman with an unmarried spirit, this is when we disengage with our spouse, do our own thing, and belittle our husband with or without words. This is when we live our own lives and get out of Gods perfect order. I will discuss this in a future blog.
So what do we do when we are projecting old thoughts, patterns and beliefs onto our husband? First, we must objectively look at the situation. Do we use phrases like “he always, he never, and it’s his fault?” If so, we need to reevaluate, and change our mindsets. We need to pray, and fast. Jesus said, “when ye fast.” not if. Mathew 6:16 We need to have a shift in our thinking, and remember what is true. “Whatsoever things are true, think on these.”
Perception Isn’t Always Reality
Our perception is not always reality. We can change the narrative. We can’t change the past, but we can make changes for our future with the one we love! Ladies, you have to ask yourselves if you want the same as you had your whole life, your last relationships, or do we want something better for us and our children or future children. We can break these generational curses, we can say no more to Satan. Fight in the spirt for our marriages. We can allow God to give us the mind of Christ. And we can have a happily ever married!!
Ladies, this is a tough one. What about if you are truly in an abusive marriage. Not projected, but physically abusive, someone who does drugs, is having an affair, who has abandoned you. You should always make sure you and your children are safe from physical abuse and drug abuse. That being said, God can do anything. He can take something so broken, bruised, rejected, and beat down and “restore the years the locust have eaten!” Joel 2:25. He can change your circumstance in an instant.
Gentle And Quiet Spirit
I think of Abigail in the bible, she was married to a horrible man, but God turned it for her good and she was known for her wisdom and attitude. The bible says our spouse can be won by our gentle and quiet spirt. We can see a marriage wrecked with adultery be completely restored when both spouses forgive and put it in Gods hands. There is a supernatural forgiveness the can take place when we allow God to move and ask for His help. I’m not saying you should be a doormat, but I have seen many a marriage healed when they took it out of their hands and gave it to Jesus the Comforter, the Healer, and the Author and Finisher of our Faith. You and your spouse may need to take this to Godly counsel, Your Pastor, or a trusted Christian counselor.
We are praying over each of you and your marriages. This is the most important relationship next to our relationship with the Lord Jesus. My husband and I pray for every reader to have a blessed, secure, godly, reverent, loving and protected marriage!! We are praying for you two to become one and have a happily ever married! God is Faithful!! Trust and Believe!
Monday: 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” Pray God helps you with your old hurts as you grow in Christ.
Tuesday: Isaiah 61:1 says, “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;” We can be set free by the Spirit of the Lord!!
Wednesday: Romans 8:5 says, “For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.”
Thursday: Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Think on these and don’t project an old memory.
Friday: Philippians 2:5 says, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:” We find the mind of Christ by reading His word!