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Marble Surface
  • Writer's pictureJanene Brown

Updated: What Does Our Tone And Body Language Say

Body Language and Tone

What does our body language and tone say? In your marriage you can say a lot without saying a word. You can tell your spouse, your children and others how you feel without saying a word, or by how you say it. This is part of the Communicating Effectively in My Marriage series.

Love needed

We were at a home one day and a couple who had been married for over 20 years were interacting. I wouldn’t think from their actions, and their tone that they were doing very well. Love was definitely missing and needed. One spouse would say things to the other without much affection, matter of a factly, and pretty cold. The other seemed not to care as they were engrossed in their facebook account and whatever else was on their phone. The one on the phone would nod and seem to answer as if in another world.

Could This Be Us?

We need to ask ourselves some questions? Do we do this? Could this be us now or in 20 years? I know we can all get busy, and when we have down time, sit and look at our phones oblivious to our spouses, children and the outside world. I know we sometimes have some down time and it could look like this. But what does that tell our spouse, children or others?

Living Intentional Lives

We want every area of our lives to reflect Christ, a great marriage, and each other. To live intentional lives we must, think, pray, fast, and not only read but act on what we know to be right in the eyes of God. Loving someone is an action. It’s a choice, and it reflects what we believe.


I know this one is tough, at least for me! We have learned each other and sometimes we may just be brought up to talk a certain way with a certain tone. I work on this continually. The kind of tone I am talking about here is actually a tone that is different from your regular tone. It is talking or communicating with a tone that demeans, has attitude, is condescending, or is just plain rude. Who is more important on this earth than the spouse God gave us? We need to use a tone that reflects love and patience.

Body Language

What does our body language say about our marriage? We probably don’t think too much about this. But we say an awful lot by how we stand, sit, and hold ourselves. It is said 55% of our communication comes from body language. I am not an expert at body language and you probably aren’t either, but, we do know a lot without even realizing it. We sum people up in a few minutes, aren’t always right, we may make some wrong assumptions, but we do know when something is off.

What Are We Communicating?

We sit facing away from our spouse, cross our legs away and lean away, don’t ever look at them, we don’t seem natural together. Some other things might do are: not ever holding hands, not walking together, we don’t mirror each other, we cross our arms, we don’t smile, and rolling of the eyes.

What We Want To Communicate

Oh that we would use all the God given ways to communicate with our spouse that we love, admire, adore, appreciate, honor, and respect them!! I pray this week that we focus on our spouse each day, on the scripture for the day, and show the love and respect by using a sweet tone and good body language. These may seem like simple things, but what you do today will affect your future! Ephesians 5:19 says, “Speaking to yourselves(each other) in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;”

The Compound Effect

We read a book years ago and listened to it on tape as well. It is called the Compound Effect by Darren Hardy and it is life-changing. This is not a book about marriage, but it is. It’s a book about every day life and being intentional. It’s about changing the small things you do each day consistently, and after what seems like a long period of nothing changing, you see a huge change in what seems like it happened overnight. Only it didn’t, it happened because you were intentional. To order this great book click here: The Compound Effect(affiliate link)

Prayer Challenge

Today is the Day of Salvation! Seize the Day! Make one small change in the tone you use or what your body language is communicating. Maybe put down your phone and look deep into the eyes of the one you married. Turn toward them and lean. Or go for the gold and just cozy up to them unexpectedly!!! You can make a difference TODAY!!


Monday: 1 Corinthians 6:20 “For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” Pray over this scripture today as you think about your body language and reflect on the word that our bodies are not our own.

Tuesday: Ephesians 4:2-3, says “With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Mediate on this scripture today as you think about your tone.

Wednesday: Colossians 3:14 says, “And above all these things put on charity (love), which is the bond of perfectness.” This whole chapter of Colossians 3 is a good reminder of how we are to act. Living intentional with our tone and actions binds us together in love.

Thursday: Proverbs 31:26 says, “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” Pray the law of God’s kindness is on your tongue today and every day!

Friday: Ephesians 5:4 says, “Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.” Pray over this as you think about whether your conversation is appropriate, or you are making fun of, or harshly poking at your spouse. We can say things with malice in our heart, instead of thanks unto God for our spouse!

Saturday: Zechariah 4:10 says, “For who hath despised the day of small things?” Today you can make a small step towards a change in your marriage! Don’t despise it!! It is a victory!!

Sunday: Ephesians 5:19 says, “Speaking to yourselves(each other) in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;” I love this scripture!! We probably don’t do this today. But the principal behind it is to speak with love and at the same time we are honoring God with a melody in our heart!!

We are praying for all who read!! This is our heart to help us each day to look to the Lord, and the word for the way we live out the great gift of Marriage!! Love you all and please feel free to reach out with questions or topics you want covered at and read other blogs and share this with your friends at

Thank you and have a great week and a Happily ever married!!!

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