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Marble Surface
  • Writer's pictureJanene Brown

Enamored or Estranged

Marriage Thermometer

Look at your marriage from the perspective of how hot, or how cold it is? You can tell by the way you talk to each other, the way you look at each other, and how much time is spent together. Is your marriage passionate or aloof? Brent and I work on keeping our marriage at the top of the thermometer! Does this mean we are always wooing each other? No, It means we don't wait until there is no fire left, we stoke the fire and keep it going!

Stoking The Fire

In marriage you have to "stoke the fire" so to speak! This means being intentional about planning date nights, creating an atmosphere for love, holding hands, stealing a kiss, and so much more. When you are tired, worn out, have baby puke on you, have been running teens all over, and just off from a busy work week, you have to push past your feelings. Freshen up, take a 10 min breather, take a walk, and then focus on your love!


Being enamored with your spouse is something most don't think of when thinking of marriage. Why? It should be normal, but the world, media, tv shows, and movies say otherwise. Falling in love is different though. You see commitment is frowned upon, and selfishness is exalted. Good is called bad, and bad is called good. I think we should start a new tradition of loving our spouse with strong feelings of love and admiration. This is what being enamored is. Jesus loved the church so much that He gave His life for her. What if we changed the dynamic and did this? Maybe there would be less divorce.


When people hear estranged today they think of a married couple who is living separately or divorced. It really means alienated, cold, hostile, antagonistic, and quarrelsome. You see you don't have to be separated to be estranged. You can be living in the same house, eating at the same table, sitting on the same couch, and living two separate lives. Phone in hand, no communication, no intimacy, and completely headed for a divorce. It may take years for it to happen, but it comes when you least expect it.


Everyone, everyday, has a choice to make. We can choose to love without abandon, or we can choose to be distant, and lose out on one of our greatest blessings with our spouse. Most people think their marriage is just the way it is and can't change. With hurt feelings this is easy to shrug off as a way of life, or, nothing will ever change attitude. When you are hurt by your spouse it hurts probably worse than anything, but you have to learn to quickly forgive and choose to love again.


Movies today say to just move on, not to take it from a spouse that hurt you. We have been so indoctrinated to give up and find something better, that we forget what we signed up for. On your wedding day you said you would love your spouse and be bound to them. We leave our parents and cleave to our spouse. Cleaving is two parts, its splitting apart from our family and becoming one and adhering firmly to our spouse. What about forgiveness? It's apart of daily marriage because you will both make mistakes, hurt each other, and have attitudes each day. You can try your best but perfection is elusive.


Only one is perfect and His name is Jesus! He is fully God and fully man. He was born a man but was without sin. As much as we try, as much as we want to be, we will never be perfect. It's impossible and if we can't be perfect we can't expect our spouse to be perfect either. So instead choose to be enamored with your spouse!! How? You first have to become enamored with Jesus. Time and intimacy with Him is where every other good thing flows from. If your relationship with Jesus is estranged, it will also be with your spouse, so get sin out of your life, stoke the fire in your marriage, choose to forgive and love them like Jesus loves you!!! Friend, this is where the magic happens!! We are going to have a blessed marriage when we spend time with the One who is perfect and are enamored with Him, His word, and time in prayer!!


Monday: Revelation 3:15-16 says, "‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." Our relationship with Jesus says a lot about our relationship with our spouse. Indifferent is not an option. We must be hot when it comes to our marriage.

Tuesday: Proverbs 26:20 says, "Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out:" I know this is referring to gossip, but put it in the context of love and you have to do some work to get the fire going in marriage!

Wednesday: Isaiah 5:20 says, "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!" Being enamored with your spouse is considered strange because we live in a day when right is wrong and wrong is right.

Thursday: 1 Peter 3:4, and 7 says, 'But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." 7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." This is good to learn so we do not become estranged and cold.

Friday: 1 Corinthians 7:27 says, "Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife." We all have choices, make ones that line up with the word.

Saturday: Colossians 3:13 says, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." Forgive and do it quickly and you will have peace in your home!

Sunday: 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, "For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." He was sinless and took on our sin so we could live forever with Him. We need to give the same mercy to our spouse, and love them and forgive like Jesus did for us.


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