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Marble Surface
  • Writer's pictureJanene Brown

Updated: Am I Communicating With Words In My Marriage?

Lack of Communication

There once was a couple who lived in a tiny home. They loved each other, or so they thought. This couple went on year after year, they never argued, they had different hobbies, they had children, they seemed to live separate lives. One would go here and the other there. Never any true communication, no disagreements,(at least none they discussed), they weren’t really connected. They seemed to be happy, but before they realized it years had passed by, and they had grown apart. Different ideas, beliefs, and ultimately different lives. This couple who had all the hope in the world on their wedding day, now didn’t know the other. So, they did what most people do in that situation, they divorced. What a sad story… but all too familiar in today’s society, and even the church.

2. If We Communicate With Words?

We are continuing from last weeks discussion on Communicating Effectively in My Marriage. The question is if we communicate with words? Do we? This is something to ponder, as we use lots of words everyday, but we may not be communicating with our spouse. We may say, “what do you want for dinner”, “can you pick up the kids?”, “I’m leaving for work”. We need to see if we are communicating about the important matters in our lives?

Important Talks

What are the essential, imperative, important talks we must have? I’ll have to say it’s usually the ones that can cause arguments. Topics like, money, children, family, mortgages, ex’s, sex, and the like. When people, like the couple above, avoid important talks, marriages fall apart. Am I communicating with words in my marriage? Do we discuss these things in depth, or do we just skip over them when conflict arises?


Some people believe they will just avoid what their spouse is doing, and in doing so, they are being a peace keeper. He never said to be a peace keeper! Peace keeping usually gives an appearance of peace, but it doesn’t reach that conclusion because it never deals with the roots. It it temporary. Peacemakers on the other hand, will address the root of the issue, and work the problem(s) out with or without help. Avoidance is defined by the free dictionary as, the act of shunning or avoiding. In your marriage do you avoid conflict?

Holding Grudges

Usually if people are avoiding dealing with hurts, rejections, and important talks, they are keeping score. They are keeping it all inside, in their hearts and minds. When something new happens, all the old reruns of past hurts come up and play in the mind and keeping score. Holding grudges over years of things not talked about become unforgiveness and eventually bitterness.

Bitterness Poisons Our Soul

We will discuss unforgiveness and bitterness in a future blog, but I want to say briefly, holding on to and not talking about what upsets you is like a ticking time bomb. Bitterness poisons our soul. It hurts us more than the other person, it breeds and festers, until there is an explosion of words or a severance to the marriage. Beware: If you are suffering from bitterness from what is perceived or even real things your spouse has done, be careful not to let this ruin your marriage.

There is Real Hope

Get before the Lord in prayer and fasting, and ask God to help you to forgive! He can do it in an instant and save your marriage, and save you and your family much heartache. I know all who are taking the time to read this blog are looking for real answers, and solutions!! You aren’t just here today thinking, “it’s too late.” God is having some of you read this because He is the Answer!! We can rejoice that Jesus is our hope! Be patient in our trial, and continue in prayer as we believe God for miracles in our marriage no matter how far we believe our marriage to be lost.


Sweet ladies!! I pray over these words that they would help someone today!! That all of us would use words to communicate to the love of our lives, the one we married, that we need to have some difficult conversations, but that we can do it in love and see God move in our marriage!! He is our Hope!!

If you are struggling with unforgiveness, I pray you would talk to your pastor together with your spouse or a christian counselor. I would love to recommend a wonderful video that has been a great help to many. The Tragedy of A Wounded Spirit – David Shatwell

Scriptures For This Week

Monday: Matthew 19:6 says, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” You are not two separate people any longer, you are one flesh. Pray for a oneness in your marriage today!! Meditate on this and think of all God does, this is a mystery!!

Tuesday: Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” When we speak to our spouse we need to remember to talk about important things, and remember this scripture when doing so!

Wednesday: Proverbs 18:13 says, “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Important talks in marriage starts with listening to one another!!

Thursday:  Mathew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” Be a peacemaker in your marriage, NOT just keeping the peace for a time, by not communicating hard things. Pray over this, and ask the Lord for wisdom to find the words to discuss difficult things in your marriage.

Friday:  Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” Some people think they will be better off alone, or that they just can’t take this anymore. Pray God helps you to see the blessing in His plan for your marriage.

Saturday:  Galatians 5:15 says, “But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.” This is what happens when bitterness takes root! Pray today for peace of mind, and God to help you use loving words and be healed of all bitterness.

Sunday:  Romans 12:12 says, “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;” Praying continuously!! Meditate today on the Hope we have in Jesus in any situation that faces us!

If you have any questions or prayer requests please email me at also you can visit my website for more blog posts at

Be blessed!! Feel free to share! You can go to my blog and share from there!

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